I have a few tattoos. One of them is a lightning bolt with the letters HUD through it. I got it as tribute to my dad when I was younger.
The lightning bolt signifies when life “strikes”
Those moments when everything changes. I still remember walking in to the kitchen at my parents house. My mom said your dad is very sick. It is terminal. He has three months to live.
I will never forget that moment. The moment when everything changed. The fantasy world I lived in where nothing bad ever happened disappeared. It faded to black. Once lightning strikes there is no going back. You cannot help but to start to become a different person. It’s hard to put into words but it’s almost like there was a cosmic lottery, and a number was chosen. We were chosen to lose.
It’s heartbreaking, and it will absolutely knock the breath out of you.
People will come. They will say things…We understand. We feel your pain.
In your fleshly mind you will scream…No!! No you don’t!! You can’t possibly understand what has been lost!
And then with a fake smile and a wave you will thank them.
When these things happen it’s one of the most isolating feelings in the world.
But you can’t fall for that trap. I did. I let it isolate me. Even from my own family who were all going through the same thing.
So what can you do??
Survive. Together. Find friends and family to hold onto. Seek God.
And survive the moments.
Sometimes all you need to do is to make it to the next day. Get through this. Fight the urge to let this tragic thing make you a bitter person. Fight the urge to let this isolate you. Because in reality there are people that understand. There are people who have “been through this.” The truth is we all have all lost something along the way.
Do not become an island.
But do give your self room to grieve. Give yourself grace to get through this. Because life must go on. We have to carry on.
I know what it’s like to look up into the sky with arms wide open. To cry up into the heavens… why??
It is soul shattering. It is a moment where you feel utterly powerless. We have our plans. And sometimes God allows them to be overwritten. Overruled. It is devastating.
Mostly because we cannot see the big picture. We have no idea of what His plan is. Of what the future holds. All we can feel is what it cost us. And sometimes it does cost us dearly.
I have read the Bible from cover to cover and no where in it does God say… I owe you an explanation for each and every thing I let happen in your life.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it is truth.
What He does say is this…
Put your faith in me.
Study my word and I will give you the wisdom to handle this…
And I will give you the grace to deal with the times you get weak.
I will love you and guide you… if only you will seek me out.
I will do that.
God has been my only source of freedom from the pain of loss.
To be honest 20 years down the road and I still visit places like sorrow, pain, and regret. But as the years go by I spend less and less time there.
Time does not heal old wounds, but God does. And I talk to Him about it. He understands…Imagine the loss He felt on the day that Jesus hung on a cross for all of humanity?
God understands all about loss, and you are not alone.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.