I came to Christ seven years ago and what a journey it has been. When I get out of whack I know it is when God is trying to teach me something.
There have been times in the past few years…when I have looked at this world through judgmental eyes. When I have put people in boxes of unforgiveness.
God has been dealing with me a lot about it this year.
Making me realize the depth of my own sinfulness. Even now. O wretched man that I am.
But it’s all to teach a valuable lesson. To grow I must see how gracious and merciful God has been in my life, so I can share that with others.
God is sovereign. He either allows or appoints every interaction in our lives. I realize now that He could have allowed things to go one way or another many times.
There is a moment God has been bringing to my mind lately. It is nothing I am proud of, or really even want to share. But God has laid it on my heart. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
It was seventeen years ago, and in the darkest days of my life. After the death of my father, my family had been broken. But instead of finding solace in them or God…I chose to go out and deal with it on my own. I took off chasing a dream of becoming a professional pool player, but the biggest part of it was escaping the reality of the pain I was in.
During that time I had gotten involved with some pretty unsavory characters. For the longest I was the guy that would never take anything to “help” my game. But one night after playing twenty hours straight a guy offered me adderal, a stimulant, to help keep me awake. It wasn’t long before that turned into doing other speed pills and then cocaine. Within a few months I was not only doing drugs, I was selling them.
Was I some thug or gangster??? Of course not. But I knew enough people, in enough places that lived the party lifestyle to pay my way and survive. And to finance my own growing problem.
It is funny when you are “in the life” you don’t even see the problem with having a $100 a day cocaine habit.
There was this one night that I can remember very vividly. It was the closest I ever came to going to jail for a life-altering period of time.
I was at a 24 hour pool room and it is 4:30 in the morning. I was exhausted and wanted to get back to my apartment down by Cumberland Mall.
I go to my car and pull to the edge of the parking lot. Pulling out was a four lane highway which is Wade-Green road. In the dead of night there was but one single car in either direction. I waited patiently as it approached…
A sheriff.
When I saw him it literally took my breath away. I turned down the radio to gather my thoughts. He looked me right in the eyes as he drove by. I felt his concern.
It just so happens in the trunk of my car is a shoe box full of cocaine. The icing on the cake is the .380 I have under the seat. I knew that if I got pulled over it was a certainty I was going to jail for a very long time.
As a matter of fact I already knew the sentence.
10 years mandatory for being pulled over with a gun and a trafficking charge hung in the balance.
My mind raced. Paranoid. Delusional. I knew that I couldn’t just sit there. I had to go. With no cars on the road there is no legitimate reason I would not pull out.
So I waited… at least as long as I thought I could. Until he was almost out of sight down the straightaway.
And then I eased out, and to the right. Because of the police presence on that stretch, I used to call it “the gauntlet.” It was about two miles between the place and the interstate.
I was about to run the gauntlet for the next ten years of my life.
Slowly I accelerated and got up to the speed limit. I could still see him in my horizon, so I slowed to about 5 mph below the limit as I made my way toward the interstate.
But somehow I was still gaining on him. By this time my heart began to beat out of my chest.
What have I done! Surely he’s going to pull me over. Every inch of the road seemed like a mile.
Moments crawled by it seemed as little by little I got closer to I-75. And the more I closed in on him.
If the interstate would have been another 1000 feet I would have overtaken him.
And then it happened.
At the exact same second that I put on my blinker…. he slammed on his brakes. I mean exactly. A perfectly precise moment where he couldn’t possibly have thought my action was a reaction to his.
There he was stopped all alone on the bridge going over I-75 on Wade Green waiting for me.
It was a moment I will remember for a lifetime.
Time had stopped… but my car kept going. The perfect move had been made at the perfect time. I glided to the right and down the ramp.
It was then that I saw him kick it. And I did too. I got up to seventy and got down the interstate as fast as I could. Fully expecting at any time to see those blue lights in my mirror. I knew he was coming. Judgment was coming.
It was what I deserved.
But it never happened. I never saw him again. I got home safely and it was over.
So why on earth would I ever share such a story?
I think God has been bringing it back to my mind. That moment of mercy that I received.
In His sovereignty still in control of even a worthless sinner’s destiny. He gave me mercy that night instead of judgment.
But the reality is.
Only God has that right.
Only He can decide who deserves judgment. Certainly he has tools to accomplish these things. That sheriff had every right to pull me over and throw me in jail.
But God showed me mercy.
And in the span of eternity and God’s time I am only five seconds away from the man I was that night.
Yes as a Christian I am now a new creation!! I am born again.
But without God’s goodness, and His grace, and His mercy of this sinful condition I am in, I am nothing.
So I have been prayerfully asking God…why do you keep bringing me back to this moment??
I believe the answer is simple.
It’s not because He wants me to dwell on it. Or to live in the past. But it’s a lesson I just can’t seem to learn any other way. So He took me back to a moment I don’t ever want to remember, let alone talk about it to make me understand one simple truth.
I do not need your judgment.
I do not need your snide comments about people that are lost and dying and going to Hell.
Not from you.
Give them grace and mercy and forgiveness to become something better than even they could ever imagine.
Tell them about my goodness.
And love them, like I loved you.
When you were unloveable.
Romans 5:8
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died fMercy…
I came to Christ seven years ago and what a journey it has been. When I get out of whack I know it is when God is trying to teach me something.
There have been times in the past few years…when I have looked at this world through judgmental eyes. When I have put people in boxes of unforgiveness.
God has been dealing with me a lot about it this year.
Making me realize the depth of my own sinfulness. Even now. O wretched man that I am.
But it’s all to teach a valuable lesson. To grow I must see how gracious and merciful God has been in my life, so I can share that with others.
God is sovereign. He either allows or appoints every interaction in our lives. I realize now that He could have allowed things to go one way or another many times.
There is a moment God has been bringing to my mind lately. It is nothing I am proud of, or really even want to share. But God has laid it on my heart. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
It was seventeen years ago, and in the darkest days of my life. After the death of my father, my family had been broken. But instead of finding solace in them or God…I chose to go out and deal with it on my own. I took off chasing a dream of becoming a professional pool player, but the biggest part of it was escaping the reality of the pain I was in.
During that time I had gotten involved with some pretty unsavory characters. For the longest I was the guy that would never take anything to “help” my game. But one night after playing twenty hours straight a guy offered me adderal, a stimulant, to help keep me awake. It wasn’t long before that turned into doing other speed pills and then cocaine. Within a few months I was not only doing drugs, I was selling them.
Was I some thug or gangster??? Of course not. But I knew enough people, in enough places that lived the party lifestyle to pay my way and survive. And to finance my own growing problem.
It is funny when you are “in the life” you don’t even see the problem with having a $100 a day cocaine habit.
There was this one night that I can remember very vividly. It was the closest I ever came to going to jail for a life-altering period of time.
I was at a 24 hour pool room and it is 4:30 in the morning. I was exhausted and wanted to get back to my apartment down by Cumberland Mall.
I go to my car and pull to the edge of the parking lot. Pulling out was a four lane highway which is Wade-Green road. In the dead of night there was but one single car in either direction. I waited patiently as it approached…
A sheriff.
When I saw him it literally took my breath away. I turned down the radio to gather my thoughts. He looked me right in the eyes as he drove by. I felt his concern.
It just so happens in the trunk of my car is a shoe box full of cocaine. The icing on the cake is the .380 I have under the seat. I knew that if I got pulled over it was a certainty I was going to jail for a very long time.
As a matter of fact I already knew the sentence.
10 years mandatory for being pulled over with a gun and a trafficking charge hung in the balance.
My mind raced. Paranoid. Delusional. I knew that I couldn’t just sit there. I had to go. With no cars on the road there is no legitimate reason I would not pull out.
So I waited… at least as long as I thought I could. Until he was almost out of sight down the straightaway.
And then I eased out, and to the right. Because of the police presence on that stretch, I used to call it “the gauntlet.” It was about two miles between the place and the interstate.
I was about to run the gauntlet for the next ten years of my life.
Slowly I accelerated and got up to the speed limit. I could still see him in my horizon, so I slowed to about 5 mph below the limit as I made my way toward the interstate.
But somehow I was still gaining on him. By this time my heart began to beat out of my chest.
What have I done! Surely he’s going to pull me over. Every inch of the road seemed like a mile.
Moments crawled by it seemed as little by little I got closer to I-75. And the more I closed in on him.
If the interstate would have been another 1000 feet I would have overtaken him.
And then it happened.
At the exact same second that I put on my blinker…. he slammed on his brakes. I mean exactly. A perfectly precise moment where he couldn’t possibly have thought my action was a reaction to his.
There he was stopped all alone on the bridge going over I-75 on Wade Green waiting for me.
It was a moment I will remember for a lifetime.
Time had stopped… but my car kept going. The perfect move had been made at the perfect time. I glided to the right and down the ramp.
It was then that I saw him kick it. And I did too. I got up to seventy and got down the interstate as fast as I could. Fully expecting at any time to see those blue lights in my mirror. I knew he was coming. Judgment was coming.
It was what I deserved.
But it never happened. I never saw him again. I got home safely and it was over.
So why on earth would I ever share such a story?
I think God has been bringing it back to my mind. That moment of mercy that I received.
In His sovereignty still in control of even a worthless sinner’s destiny. He gave me mercy that night instead of judgment.
But the reality is.
Only God has that right.
Only He can decide who deserves judgment. Certainly he has tools to accomplish these things. That sheriff had every right to pull me over and throw me in jail.
But God showed me mercy.
And in the span of eternity and God’s time I am only five seconds away from the man I was that night.
Yes as a Christian I am now a new creation!! I am born again.
But without God’s goodness, and His grace, and His mercy of this sinful condition I am in, I am nothing.
So I have been prayerfully asking God…why do you keep bringing me back to this moment??
I believe the answer is simple.
It’s not because He wants me to dwell on it. Or to live in the past. But it’s a lesson I just can’t seem to learn any other way. So He took me back to a moment I don’t ever want to remember, let alone talk about it to make me understand one simple truth.
I do not need your judgment.
I do not need your snide comments about people that are lost and dying and going to Hell.
Not from you.
Give them grace and mercy and forgiveness to become something better than even they could ever imagine.
Tell them about my goodness.
And love them, like I loved you.
When you were unloveable.
Romans 5:8
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
I came to Christ seven years ago and what a journey it has been. When I get out of whack I know it is when God is trying to teach me something.
There have been times in the past few years…when I have looked at this world through judgmental eyes. When I have put people in boxes of unforgiveness.
God has been dealing with me a lot about it this year.
Making me realize the depth of my own sinfulness. Even now. O wretched man that I am.
But it’s all to teach a valuable lesson. To grow I must see how gracious and merciful God has been in my life, so I can share that with others.
God is sovereign. He either allows or appoints every interaction in our lives. I realize now that He could have allowed things to go one way or another many times.
There is a moment God has been bringing to my mind lately. It is nothing I am proud of, or really even want to share. But God has laid it on my heart. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
It was seventeen years ago, and in the darkest days of my life. After the death of my father, my family had been broken. But instead of finding solace in them or God…I chose to go out and deal with it on my own. I took off chasing a dream of becoming a professional pool player, but the biggest part of it was escaping the reality of the pain I was in.
During that time I had gotten involved with some pretty unsavory characters. For the longest I was the guy that would never take anything to “help” my game. But one night after playing twenty hours straight a guy offered me adderal, a stimulant, to help keep me awake. It wasn’t long before that turned into doing other speed pills and then cocaine. Within a few months I was not only doing drugs, I was selling them.
Was I some thug or gangster??? Of course not. But I knew enough people, in enough places that lived the party lifestyle to pay my way and survive. And to finance my own growing problem.
It is funny when you are “in the life” you don’t even see the problem with having a $100 a day cocaine habit.
There was this one night that I can remember very vividly. It was the closest I ever came to going to jail for a life-altering period of time.
I was at a 24 hour pool room and it is 4:30 in the morning. I was exhausted and wanted to get back to my apartment down by Cumberland Mall.
I go to my car and pull to the edge of the parking lot. Pulling out was a four lane highway which is Wade-Green road. In the dead of night there was but one single car in either direction. I waited patiently as it approached…
A sheriff.
When I saw him it literally took my breath away. I turned down the radio to gather my thoughts. He looked me right in the eyes as he drove by. I felt his concern.
It just so happens in the trunk of my car is a shoe box full of cocaine. The icing on the cake is the .380 I have under the seat. I knew that if I got pulled over it was a certainty I was going to jail for a very long time.
As a matter of fact I already knew the sentence.
10 years mandatory for being pulled over with a gun and a trafficking charge hung in the balance.
My mind raced. Paranoid. Delusional. I knew that I couldn’t just sit there. I had to go. With no cars on the road there is no legitimate reason I would not pull out.
So I waited… at least as long as I thought I could. Until he was almost out of sight down the straightaway.
And then I eased out, and to the right. Because of the police presence on that stretch, I used to call it “the gauntlet.” It was about two miles between the place and the interstate.
I was about to run the gauntlet for the next ten years of my life.
Slowly I accelerated and got up to the speed limit. I could still see him in my horizon, so I slowed to about 5 mph below the limit as I made my way toward the interstate.
But somehow I was still gaining on him. By this time my heart began to beat out of my chest.
What have I done! Surely he’s going to pull me over. Every inch of the road seemed like a mile.
Moments crawled by it seemed as little by little I got closer to I-75. And the more I closed in on him.
If the interstate would have been another 1000 feet I would have overtaken him.
And then it happened.
At the exact same second that I put on my blinker…. he slammed on his brakes. I mean exactly. A perfectly precise moment where he couldn’t possibly have thought my action was a reaction to his.
There he was stopped all alone on the bridge going over I-75 on Wade Green waiting for me.
It was a moment I will remember for a lifetime.
Time had stopped… but my car kept going. The perfect move had been made at the perfect time. I glided to the right and down the ramp.
It was then that I saw him kick it. And I did too. I got up to seventy and got down the interstate as fast as I could. Fully expecting at any time to see those blue lights in my mirror. I knew he was coming. Judgment was coming.
It was what I deserved.
But it never happened. I never saw him again. I got home safely and it was over.
So why on earth would I ever share such a story?
I think God has been bringing it back to my mind. That moment of mercy that I received.
In His sovereignty still in control of even a worthless sinner’s destiny. He gave me mercy that night instead of judgment.
But the reality is.
Only God has that right.
Only He can decide who deserves judgment. Certainly he has tools to accomplish these things. That sheriff had every right to pull me over and throw me in jail.
But God showed me mercy.
And in the span of eternity and God’s time I am only five seconds away from the man I was that night.
Yes as a Christian I am now a new creation!! I am born again.
But without God’s goodness, and His grace, and His mercy of this sinful condition I am in, I am nothing.
So I have been prayerfully asking God…why do you keep bringing me back to this moment??
I believe the answer is simple.
It’s not because He wants me to dwell on it. Or to live in the past. But it’s a lesson I just can’t seem to learn any other way. So He took me back to a moment I don’t ever want to remember, let alone talk about it to make me understand one simple truth.
I do not need your judgment.
I do not need your snide comments about people that are lost and dying and going to Hell.
Not from you.
Give them grace and mercy and forgiveness to become something better than even they could ever imagine.
Tell them about my goodness.
And love them, like I loved you.
When you were unloveable.
Romans 5:8
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
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